Thursday, February 16, 2017

Being Hungry



Food is a gift. It’s a necessity.

I don’t treat it that way, though.

I use food to deal with stress…to deal with “boredom”…to deal with anything upsetting.

I use it to feel something…and to stuff DOWN what I’m feeling.


Prior to that, it was a way to stay in control…a way for me to prove myself…to gain affirmation.

During that time, I was AVOIDING food for the same reasons.


Recently, I was hit with an overwhelming realization that I had never stopped to consider before.  

For much of my life, I have never used food as NOURISHMENT.

No matter which extreme I’ve been in. Eating nothing at all, or eating everything I could get my hands on {currently, it’s the latter}. Food has always been associated with negativity for me. I’ve never even considered it for its intended purpose…to keep me alive. It truly is a gift from God, and I’ve allowed it to turn into a bad thing. A stronghold. A sin. 

My struggle with food has dominated my desire for God for years.

I’ve shared about this before…during a period of time when I was doing so much better. I truly had found freedom, but the enemy found where my vulnerabilities were greatest, and used food to tempt me. And that became very, very hard to fight off, and I found myself right back where I was. In the bondage of food addiction.

 But I now truly understand that when that happens, it doesn’t make me a failure. It doesn’t mean I’m incapable of overcoming the problem. It just means I’m human and need help.

And some of you may think it should be an easy thing to fix. I always thought so too. And I’ve always been so hard on myself for never being able to, in one case, JUST EAT…or in this case, JUST SAY NO.

WELL…

Try telling an alcoholic to “just stop drinking.”
Try telling a heroin addict to “just stop doing drugs.”

It just doesn’t work that way. And anything can turn into a problem. Even if it is supposed to be a good, healthy thing.

 I’ve said over and over that this needs to stop. I just want to be healthy. But every time I try to get there on my own, I give up. And THAT is what needs to stop.

 So…having shared all of that with you, confessing that this is just another new beginning {thank God that He is willing to give us chance after chance after chance!}, and in the spirit of my Word of the Year, BRAVE…the real purpose of this post is to tell you that I am entering into a new phase of life that I hope will truly result in a total turn-around, and help me permanently kick this addiction to the curb.

 It’s called intermittent fasting.

I'm gonna try not to be too technical going into this. I don't want to exhaust the explanation in this particular post. My goal is not to convince you {or myself} of anything...

Essentially, all it entails is making reasonable food choices 5 days a week, with two days {non-consecutive} of fasting. This definition of fasting, though, is to go for 12 hours at a time with no food, but eat a total of 500 calories during the day. And there are several ways to go about that. I’ve done a lot of good research on intermittent fasting, and for someone with blood sugar issues, this seems like a great way to go. I personally can’t PHYSICALLY go for long periods of time eating nothing {resulted from years of disordered eating, plus blood sugar issues I’ve had for a long time even before then}, so I liked the way this “lifestyle” was explained. {Added bonus: It’s all backed up with biblical truths on top of all the health benefits, so I was even more certain that this was the direction I wanted to go.} 

Now, I must admit that knowing I have a wedding coming up in less than 6 months is quite the motivational factor. And yes, I want to lose weight and feel comfortable in my own skin when I put on my gown. Even in general, I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. BUT…the most important thing is to develop a HUNGER FOR GOD, above anything else, including food.

He has created us to need food, but it was never meant to replace our need for Him.

I heard that about strongholds before, but it never truly struck me to the core…until now.

So many people struggle with eating, body, and self-image distortion. And food is only part of that. We eat to escape our pain, and it eventually seems to feel like a hopeless, unredeemable situation. Food addiction brings shame, just like any other addiction completely consumes and takes over. It’s just not talked about as much because it doesn’t seem as “dangerous”.



“The strongest, most mature Christians I have ever met are the hungriest for God. It might seem that those who eat most would be least hungry. But that’s not the way it works with an inexhaustible fountain, and an infinite feast, and a glorious Lord.”

~John Piper


THAT is what I desire. I know people like that. I dream of that. I am fully aware of how hard this is going to be, but I want to develop an overwhelming appetite for God, and I have fully experienced His fullness…but I want to LONG for more, and just keep craving! Only then, can I overcome anything else. 

I’ll be sharing updates, as well as talking about the meal plan I’ll be using for my “reasonable food choices”…Trim Healthy Mama {check it out for yourself too, but I’ll you all about it later!}. And I would so appreciate your prayers, and walking with me through this new venture.


And please let me encourage you…

Whatever your struggle might be…

This space, this little corner of the web I have here…it’s for you. Let me walk with YOU too.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for being so transparent and I pray the you succeed in overcoming your food addiction. I have never heard of a intermittent fasting, but I'll have to look into that. This is something I would want to do with my husband as well.

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